It’s been almost three years to date since I’ve written a blog post. A lot has transpired during my hiatus from publicly sharing my faith lived-out-loud.

During this time:

• I gave birth to my daughter.
• Got a new job working from home.
• Moved on from long-time relationships that no longer served me.
• Embraced others that had been quietly supportive all along.
• Lost my Mamaw and Papaw within 11 days of each other.
• Celebrated five years of marriage.

These last few years have held a multitude of worry, stress, anxiousness, fear, uncertainty, grief, and deeply-felt hurt. Simultaneously, these years were filled with abundant joy, delight, pride, life-giving discernment, unending love, and gratitude.

But that’s not a new concept – that two conflicting things can be true at once. That we, as children of God, can have hope and peace that surpasses all understanding in Jesus while walking through our most trying circumstances.

²¹ “But this I call to mind,
    and therefore I have hope:

²² The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;^[a]
    his mercies never come to an end;
²³ they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.”

Lamentations 3:21-23

While this hiatus was not intentional, looking back, it was necessary. Of course my compassionate God knew this, provisioning time away from writing to be filled with caretaking, protecting, cultivating, and burden-bearing.

It is now, on the other side of those 1,095 days, that I feel His nudge once again to use the gift that has been given to me. So, with a thankful heart for His extension of grace, here I am, a little more than halfway through the first month of 2024.

“My biggest fear, even now, is that I will hear Jesus’ words and walk away, content to settle for less than radical obedience to him.”

Radical, David Platt

Reading through the last three-year’s-worth of journal entries, I was able to trace God’s hand through it all. I was shown that no matter the situation, I was right where He intended for me to be – where he could transform me, lead me, carry and uphold me. I got to see Him working behind the scenes on my behalf.

In December of 2021, after confronting my boss about a discrepancy in pay and receiving what felt like a slap in the face in answer, I saw His offer for me to trust that His ways and will are perfect.

“Many things seem wrong to me, but I need to remember that you’re in control of everything. All things are working together and are fitting into a plan for my good. This problem can become a stumbling block if I react with defiance. I’ll have to choose many times each day whether or not I will trust you. Thanking you for this problem opens my mind to the possibility of blessings emerging from my difficulties.”

My journal 1/5/2022

Six months of prayer and leaning in to His will over mine later, I started my new job. Let me quickly tell you about those blessings that emerged: the ability to work from home – allowing me to enjoy more time with my daughter; and a substantial bump in pay – like more than I thought I deserved, if I’m being honest.

June of 2022 was a catalyst for a shift in those I surrounded myself with – the ones I let speak into my life. The events that took place culminated in longstanding hurt, but, ultimately, lead to necessary refinement. This allowed for doors to be opened wider to other friendships – some seemingly unlikely. Nevertheless, relationships that uplifted me, showed up for me, accepted, and welcomed me. Had I insisted on remaining a passive participant in the former cycle of disappointment and rejection, I would’ve missed out on God’s best in the friendships I have today.

“When the problems come to mind again, please remind me to continue thanking you for the answers that are on the way.”

My journal 6/22/2022

“Trusting God requires courage and commitment; and He proves time and again He is worthy of our full trust.”

My journal 6/27/2022

“At times, we struggle when God tells us to drive out perspectives and habits that conform us to world rather than His image.”

My journal 6/29/2022

Spring of 2023 was the beginning of a long string of hospitals, rehabilitation centers, and nursing home visits. There were, what seemed at the time, endless long days and nights that required my family’s time, energy, and focus. It was a time of rolling emotions – good news for Mamaw, bad news for Papaw. And then, as if by some cruel joke, they’d flip-flop the next week. It was a period of time that required numerable sacrifices – rest, time spent with our immediate families, and a large chunk of the summer, to name a few. However, I had already learned the hard way how short life is and how important it was to take every opportunity you got to hold your loved ones close.

A little over six months later, I can see now, in many ways, that time was a gift. It was a gift to serve those who were instrumental in my upbringing. It was a gift to help bring light into darkness. It was a gift of precious time I wouldn’t trade for the world. Through this suffering He tested my faith and produced perseverance. I experienced first-hand His supernatural renewal.

“Though the day may be hard, remind me that I do not go it alone.”

My journal 5/8/2023

¹⁰ fear not, for I am with you;
    be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

While I may have walked through tribulation of varying degrees these last few years, my God has never left my side. He has made a way in the wilderness. He continues to do a new thing. His hidden hand is always at work.

I hope you too will be encouraged by tracing Him in your story. Seek and you shall find.