I haven’t sat down to write this until now for a few reasons: pride, a lackadaisical attitude and a bad case of procrastination. However, in the meantime, it’s been made all too clear that in order to be obedient, it’s something I need to do. 

Following the events of the recent insurrection, former President Donald Trump’s ban on multiple social media sites, and Amazon’s decision to no longer host Parler on its cloud computing platform, I had multiple conversations with other believers. Some of these conversations were public on comment threads while others were held in private direct messages. Of these conversations, there wasn’t a single one I was left feeling good about. Instead, I felt angry to the point of exasperation, bitter, and even disgusted. 

I will never serve God perfectly, but what I can do is serve Him visibly by allowing other people to learn whatever they can from watching (or reading about) my rise and fall. The week of January 6, I fell more often than not. 

Since then, I’ve surrendered my mouth (and typing fingers) and in doing so, my ears, mind, and soul have been filled each and every day with God’s wisdom. It was during this time that He met me in the secret place. He met me in the form of Godly counsel from seasoned believers who have previously walked this trial and made it to the other side to share their testimony. He met me in the morning during my devotional study of Ephesians. When I went to look for Him in His word, He met me. And in His grace, He reproved me. 

I took a lot of screenshots, made a lot of notes, and highlighted a lot of scripture in my pursuit of truth these past couple weeks. Every reproach, every testimony, encouragement, every nugget of wisdom I saved just for this blog post. I normally do this for every blog post, but the amount of content I ended up with for this one was astronomical. And you know why I think that is? I think a lot of believers are struggling or have been struggling with the same question: in the face of hate, violence, and extremism, “How am I supposed to love my neighbor now?”

I don’t claim to have the answer, but what I can do, is share my journey through this issue that I continue to, and probably always will to some extent, struggle with. 

As I’ve noted before, I haven’t always had a relationship with God. During my time away from the Church, I used Christian hypocrisy as a justification for my distance. Christian hypocrisy is something I will always have a problem with, something that will always be a trigger for me. 

Hypocrisy turns people off from the very source they need for truth and comfort, which is why I get so upset when I witness it. However, I am not exempt from this hypocrisy and I only fuel it when I’m not quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to wrath “for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” Slow of course does not mean saying nothing, which brings me to writer Charaia Callabrass. 

I cannot say enough good things about Charaia. If you are not already following her on Instagram, do yourself a favor and do it now. Her handle is @charaiarush and in the short time I’ve been following her, I’ve learned so much. Her stories on accountability, in which she detailed a time she DM’d someone in what she described as “passion disguised as ungodly rage” were the first to pull me out of my own recent dance with the latter.  

Looking back, she said she later realized that in her moment of ungodly rage, she was trying to keep others accountable to her expectations and her standards rather than Biblical truth or standard. She was the first to put words to my feelings: I was exhausting myself by reacting based on my emotion instead of responding based on discernment. 

See, the problem isn’t accountability. Accountability is Biblical. Charaia made sure to provide two examples: 2 Samuel Chapter 12 when Nathan confronts David and Galatians Chapter 2 when Paul confronts Peter. We can hold other believers accountable, but it is imperative that we have a Biblical understanding of accountability before proceeding. The difference of that understanding will produce one of two results: either adding noise or value to a person’s growth. When we “speak truth in the context of relationship” we no longer risk “burning the very bridge we’re hoping our brother or sister will walk across,” she said. 

I want revival so badly, but as I’m reminded by her, there can be no revival without repentance and I’m not immune to that repentance. In a prayer posted on her page in relation to this, Charaia perfectly defines what hardens my heart while also revealing the poor choices I make because of that hardened heart. 

“Forgive us for stepping on the backs of others to elevate our own opinion. Forgive us for rooting our pursuit of justice in our own self-righteousness. Forgive us for our silence and spiritualized apathy. Forgive us for our nationalism that believes pride in this country means the preaching of a gospel centered around this country. Forgive us for throwing verses on pain like bandaids instead of throwing ourselves into conversations that expose areas untouched by You. Forgive us, not for being human, but for lacking the humility. Not for being outraged, but for making rage our ministry. May revival flow from our posture of repentance. Let it be so in us.”

Silence and spiritualized apathy annoy me. Nationalism triggers me. Throwing verses on pain like bandaids drives me a little crazy, honestly. I agree with Danielle Coke when she said it is her belief that the phrase ‘love your neighbor’ “has been watered down, ripped from context, and waved as a banner signaling passivity and surface-level performance instead of the transformative force it was designed to be.” 

“This passive love seeks peace without justice and unity without accountability,” she said. “It mimics God-love by being ‘patient and kind’ without continuing on to protect and persevere. Instead of the divine love that seeks out and rejoices in truth, this dull love coddles evil and avoids tension.”

Coke says the love in ‘love your neighbor’ is an unconditional love, marked by action. A love that drives out hate by seeking truth at the expense of comfort. A love of transformation rather than tolerance. A love that exchanges the fluffy, feel-good stuff for a commitment to faithfully pursue all that IS good.

I want that love, BUT I also must recognize that when I lack humility and make rage my ministry; when I root my pursuit of justice in my own self-righteousness, not only will revival not flow from me, but that love surely won’t either.

When I’m not rooted and grounded in love, I lose the opportunity to be an effective witness. When I put up dividing walls, I limit God’s power from moving in my relationships and situations. As Alexandra Hoover (another Godly woman of counsel you should follow) said, if I’m unwilling to turn inward before I express outward, I’m only regurgitating more of myself and my opinions mixed with everyone else’s around me.

Simply put, I can disagree with other believers without disrespecting them. How I speak matters because the content of my character is at stake each and every time I open my mouth. I cannot expect to plant a seed of heart change if I share Biblical truth with accusation rather than grace. Period. 

Hate, violence, and extremism don’t belong to 2020. Sure, there was plenty to go around, but I’m not naive enough to think that just because there’s a new administration in town, we’ve rid ourselves of this fallen world. So, when it happens again, and my ungodly rage wants to rear its ugly head, how am I going to tap into grace instead of accusation? 

I’ve got to make it a point to go to Him first. It is imperative that I do because the truth of the matter is, I have no good apart from Him (Psalm 16:2). 

The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.” Proverbs 27:12

My job is to be obedient. His job is to do the rest. My job is to take precaution when I foresee the danger of my wrath. My job is to confess any sin of pride, anger, bitterness, and resentment. My job is to give up strongholds and release these things to Him lest I go on and suffer the consequences. I have to allow the Holy Spirit room to workout/produce His fruit. When I allow the Holy Spirit room to work in my life, it is then that I can walk in peace with others. I need His wisdom to sort out differences. I need to view people and circumstances with His perspective because when I don’t, I risk living by my own efforts, seeking my own purposes. 

Some practical questions I can ask myself to make sure my online words are bearing witness to HIS kingdom and not my own include:

• Is my objective to BE RIGHT or stay in right relationship with my neighbor? 
• Would I be proud of this comment when I’m less emotional?
• Is my rhetoric condescending, demeaning, or accusatory?
• Do these words encourage or sow discord?
• Has the Holy Spirit prompted this?
• Am I putting my own personal convictions before this person’s humanity/mental health?
• Am I speaking truth IN love?
• What are the motives hidden within my heart?
• Am I challenging in my conviction with compassion or condemning with judgement?
• Can I hear Jesus saying these words? In this way? 

I do not deserve His grace, but I have received it. He has opened my eyes to my sin and need for Him. He did not leave me struggling in my own futile efforts and for that I am thankful. 

There will always be tough conversations to navigate, but going forward, I want to focus on the fact that I have the same propensity to sin as my brothers and sisters in Christ. I want to remember that the same grace that has been offered to me, is offered to them. I want to operate in acknowledgment that we have the same Savior; because if I can’t start from those places of focus, remembrance, and acknowledgement, then I’ll always be emphasizing our differences instead of our similarities.

“An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars.” – Proverbs 18:19

“Your kindness will reward you, but your cruelty will destroy you.” – Proverbs 11:17

The world will know us by our love. I will be triggered. I will feel the swells of ungodly rage. But that’s not what I want to be known for. I want to be known, not for the feel-good, passive kind of love, but love in action. I want to be known for peace-making rather than peace-keeping. I want to do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly (Micah 6:8) on earth as it is in heaven. I will not apologize for attempting to drive out darkness or hate, but I will apologize for how I’ve chosen to do so up until this point. Conviction will not only lead to repentance, but, hopefully, transformation as well.